Photo by Sharon McCutcheon on Unsplash Ever seen the phrase AS IS WHERE IS when making a purchase, especially used items or real estate? I’m sure you know what it means; that the buyer accepts to purchase the item in whatever condition it is in at the point of sale. Whatever faults or defects it may have. It’s similar to Christian marriage vows. You promise to love your partner through thick and thin. With all the great parts and the not so great parts, right down to the out rightly ugly parts. It’s remarkably easy for us to make such sweeping commitments to other people, and even things we wish to possess. Why then, is it so difficult to accept ourselves as we are? Or you don’t think I am referring to you, right? You are all about self-acceptance aren’t you? Wikipedia expansively defines self-acceptance as; the awareness of one’s strengths and weaknesses, the realistic (yet subjective) appraisal of one’s talents, capabilities, and general worth, and, feelings of satisfaction with one’s self despite deficiencies and regardless of past behaviors and choices. From the above definition it’s blatantly clear that before you can truly accept yourself, you first have to be
Detachment is a word that often carries negative connotations. Most people associate it with aloofness, indifference and generally a state of not caring. One of the most basic definitions refers to it as the state of being disengaged or separated from something. Where emotions are concerned, we tend to get overly attached and invested in our feelings to the point where the emotions supersede whatever occurrence created them in the first place. Don’t get me wrong, emotions are necessary; but when they start to spin out of your control then it doesn’t feel so great. This is where the subtle art of emotional detachment comes in. Detachment is simply learning how to deal with your emotions in an objective, unattached and non-personal way. The first step of detachment is accepting that every single person is responsible for his/her feelings. In my previous posts, I talked about how we are only responsible for ourselves. We cannot control how other people will react, or even change them. When you consider this, you start to realize that you have been carrying around a whole load of emotions related to other people which is rather pointless. Whatever you feel about what other people are
By now, I hope that you have taken a long hard look in the mirror. Asked yourself some tough questions and hopefully, been brutally honest with the answers. With a little luck and a bit of effort, you are well on your way to becoming more comfortable in your own skin, the real you. I also hope you have started to prioritize yourself and that you understand the importance of being selfish and allocating quality time and self-care to the most important person in your world – You. This entire process has likely stirred up a plethora of emotions in addition to the existing ones that you had from day to day. Any experience in life is made up of two main parts; the event or occurrence and secondly, the emotion it elicits. Our emotions largely fall into two broad categories; Emotions that we feel about ourselves and emotions we feel about other people. We are constantly churning out emotions literally every second of the day. Every single thing that comes into contact with any of our senses elicits a reaction from us which is described as a feeling or an emotion. What this also means is that our emotions
One of the greatest challenges that we all have is Time. Our Time. Demands on our time. Trying to figure out how to make our time fit all the things we feel driven to do. Like any other mortal I have always struggled with time. I had an even greater challenge. For most of my life, I had this habit of putting other people before myself. It had a lot to do with lack of self-worth and an inferiority complex that I had battled since childhood. As my self-awakening journey continued, one of the things that greatly held me back was my resistance to allocate time to myself. I needed time to introspect, spend time alone with my thoughts and get to the true depths of my inner self that was yearning to be discovered. However, my precious time was all tied up with things that I believed mattered. External things and people that gave me the validation I so desperately craved. Validation I believed I needed. Not to mention, I had been conditioned to believe (like most of us) that taking time for yourself is selfish. That being focused on self, prioritizing your care is vain and frowned upon.
When is the last time you looked at yourself in a mirror? Like really gazed into your eyes till you got lost in yourself? Never? Well you aren’t alone. I had never really looked at myself in a mirror my entire life. Don’t get me wrong – I have plenty of mirrors that I use for guarding against wardrobe malfunctions, applying minimal makeup and generally making sure that I don’t leave the house looking like a scarecrow. But I had never really looked at myself. Ogling at my body made me very self-conscious to be honest. When I began to feel the pangs of self-awakening, I instinctively knew that I had to start with a long hard look at myself. Not just a physical look, but a deeper searching of my inner self. I began my introspection out of pure necessity about four years ago, following an uncontrolled rage incident that made me realize that I was out of control. I had been spinning for so long that I no longer knew what was real and what wasn’t. I had no idea who I was, what I was doing or why I was so angry at the entire world. I
When I first started the “Life begins at 40” series back in March, I was honestly still grappling with the shifts that my life had undergone in the past couple of years. In this year alone, there have been such huge fundamental shifts in my persona that at some point I just had to take a break from everything to try and comprehend the transformation. I had never understood why people often said that life began at 40. Now I believe that I have the experience to venture an educated guess. My theory is that most people don’t really try to find their true selves till their late 30s or early 40s. Why? Well, following your tumultuous teens is the adventurous 20s where you are basically trying to find your way in the world – hustling for employment/business, trying to eke out a living. In the late 20s, some people start to settle down and get married, have kids and start to put down roots. Then you usher in your 30s, full of optimism that you have life figured out. This decade, in my opinion, is nothing short of treacherous as far as life is concerned. This is where the