I’ve been meaning to write a post for the longest time but somehow time just kept going by till I woke up a couple of days ago and realized that we are halfway through the year already! Isn’t it strange how time used to crawl by when we were in our teens and early twenties? I still remember literally dying to grow up and now that I finally have (I think I definitely qualify) time moves at warp speed! You literally blink and its Xmas barely after the year has begun!
Anyway as I lay there looking back at the last six months, it hit me that I had gone through so much since January that it literally felt like a couple of years and not just half a year! Honestly I have come such a long way in the last six months, experiencing more than my fair share of happy, not so happy and downright depressing moments. I thought it only fitting to share a post on taking stock of my year so far, especially the lessons I have learnt.
Expect the Unexpected.
I started out the year with great expectations and a relatively solid idea of the direction that I wanted my life to take. However sometimes God has a rather wry sense of humor or is that what they call “works in mysterious ways”. This year life has thrown me so many curve balls that I am still spinning. At some point I began to wonder what I had done wrong because apparently when it rains, it pours; in my life, it was raining cats and dogs. Eventually I learnt to take one step at a time, one day at a time and take the good with the bad. This wasn’t easy and several times I honestly came very close to completely caving in. However it was at those moments that I found my greatest inner strength and somehow kept going.
A great support system.
One thing I have discovered……ok, re-discovered is that I have the greatest support system in the world! Without my family and my friends I honestly wouldn’t have been able to get through some of the last couple of months. I have a very interesting family. For the most part we will stay out of each other’s lives and mind our own business; we are generally not very good at asking for help, even when we need it. However we have a knack of sensing when one of us is in trouble and rally to help. I have never appreciated my mother and my sisters as much as in the last six months. From the start of the year to date they have flocked around me like geese; providing comfort, advice, hugs, support, help with the baby….anything that I could think of and a lot that I hadn’t thought of. They have dropped in on me in moments when I did not even realize I was drowning and pulled me out of my misery. They dropped everything in April to accompany me on what would have been a sinking sand pit of misery had they not been there to hold me up at the funeral of my son’s dad. My mother has never spent a night away from her husband in 44 years of marriage (!!!) and she spent two nights in Eldoret with me and my sisters just to make sure I was ok. One of my sisters sat with me the entire night I was in labor, only leaving at 3am to return at 7am to continue her vigil. Not even the nurses could keep her away. Since my daughter was born, my mother has made it her personal duty to ensure that my kitchen has a constant supply of uji, soup and a variety of fruits. I could go on and on and it still wouldn’t do justice to the support I have received. For this I will be eternally grateful.
Life. And Death.
You never really truly appreciate life. Until you have a brush with death. Or lose a loved one to its cruel hand. That’s just a sad fact of life. I’d never lost anyone really close till this year when Aidan’s dad passed away. You honestly don’t recover from the loss. You just learn to live with it. And hopefully, if you learn the lesson right, you try to never again take the ones still with you for granted. This loss was particularly hard for me because after so many years of hostility and estrangement, we started speaking again early last year. It was strange really but he was one of my first coaching clients. He had gone through a particularly rough patch and I offered to help him put his life back together. By the end of last year, his life had undergone a transformation and his future couldn’t have looked brighter. Even his health was on an upward trend. Till today I still believe that he stuck around just long enough to reconcile with his son. It’s almost as if he dedicated his final year on earth to leaving a legacy that his son would be proud to be associated with. And when that was done, it was time for him to go. The only thing that gives me consolation is that we set things right before he went; I don’t think I’d have lived with myself if I had denied him that opportunity.
His death put so many things into perspective for me. We waste so much time holding on to very petty hurts which don’t really matter. People still get so amazed that I would actually offer to help someone who once hurt me and that alone tells me how much baggage we are lugging around. Forgive those who have wronged you today and move on with your life. Life really is too short to hang on to stuff that doesn’t matter. If it does matter, then do something about it. If it doesn’t, let it go.
A week before Kip died, my husband lost his job and then two weeks later, lost one of his best friends. In between all this, I was still having an extremely difficult third trimester with exceedingly horrible reflux and heartburn which ensured that I barely slept each night. Just when I thought that things couldn’t possibly get any worse, my husband’s back gave out and he could barely get up, leave alone walk. There I was, 37 weeks pregnant and seemingly carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders and now driving him to physiotherapy. I was honestly at the end of my rope. In case you have never experienced this, it’s probably the hardest thing in a world for a man to be helpless; especially one like mine who was used to taking care of me. I remember seriously wondering at this time what we had done wrong to God to attract all this misfortune. In the midst of all this and even with my human doubts, I continued to trust and have faith in God that we would be OK. The interesting thing about adversity though is that it clearly shows you who’s truly in your corner. People that we previously thought would help us out mysteriously became unavailable and our support came from very unlikely quarters. The best part (should I say silver lining on the dark cloud) was that we became closer than ever. We’ve ended up spending so much time together in the past 3 months and I can honestly say we are stronger now than ever before. What I learnt? You may not be where you want to be but you are always exactly where God needs you to be. Always appreciate your current circumstances because you are there for a reason.
Two Great Men.
I have two great men in my life. My husband. And my son. Spending a lot of time at home has opened up my eyes to that. Work has a way of obscuring what’s really important in your life. These two have literally spoilt me rotten, waiting on me hand and foot. After my daughter’s arrival, they have been a rock in my life. Taking her for a walk when I need to nap and she won’t sleep, burping her, rocking her…you name it, they have done it. Initially we were really worried about the effect a new baby would have on my son but after the first couple of days he took to his big brother role like a duck to water. He absolutely adores his little sister and is constantly offering to help out with her. Her dad has been phenomenal to say the least. For me parenting the second time round has been a breeze thanks to his endless support. One of these days I will write a blog post titled “Real men change diapers.” He grabs any opportunity to bond with his daughter and it’s simply amazing to watch. Through the constant care and attention of these two gentlemen I have learnt that no matter what life throws at me, I am still among the luckiest women in the world.
My Beautiful Princess.
I saved the best for last. 🙂
After an extremely eventful third trimester, my beautiful little girl finally arrived two weeks shy of her due date. By the last month I was exhausted due to sleep deprivation, partially immobile thanks to the strain on my pelvic bones, and extremely cranky and irate. You can therefore imagine my relief when the doctor announced that I was in the initial stages of labor and immediately admitted me. However my daughter was clearly not one for quick appearances and I had to endure an additional twelve hours of pain before she made her grand entry, screaming her indignation at the top of her very healthy lungs. I really want to say that all the pain and agony I had gone through was forgotten the second I held her in my arms, but I would be lying. However, the truth is that she was totally worth it. I remember looking at her in awe and marveling that she was really mine, it was quite surreal actually. I kept touching her little fingers and toes and her little button nose as she slept peacefully, checking to see if she was real. She was the most gorgeous thing I had ever laid eyes on and I fell in love with her immediately.
We brought her home after a couple of nights in the hospital and just like riding a bicycle, soon fell into a familiar routine where she fed (surprisingly) on a regular 3-hour routine allowing me to finally get some much needed sleep. She turned 6 weeks this past Thursday and I marvel at how fast she is growing. Right now she is needy and dependable on us for her every need but I know that within no time at all, she will be crawling and then walking and after that, time will just fly past. So I am treasuring the midnight and 3am feeds for now, in as much as I am groggy and barely lucid during those feeds. I look forward to her beautiful dimpled smile when it does appear, which is like a sliver of warm sunlight in the cold July weather. I adore her cheeky side glances and cheerful gurgle like sounds when I wonder what’s going on in her little mind and what she would say if she could speak right now. I adore all the tiny little moments with her because I know all too well how soon it will all be a vague memory. From her I have learnt that life is so precious and we are all on borrowed time. I intend to enjoy the time I have with her and all my loved ones to the full for the time I have been granted.
When I look back at the last six months, I can see clearly that the journey to this point has certainly not been easy to say the least. One thing I know for sure though is that despite all I have been through, it has certainly been worth it. The rest of the year will certainly have a lot to live upto and I look forward to grabbing it by the horns.