At the beginning of 2014, I was venturing into a new space. I had a new amazing boyfriend. I was beginning again with a job that I had always felt I was destined to do. Everything had fallen into place. Finally, I felt that all was right in the world and 2014 was going to be my year. And it was. That year in June my now fiancé proposed to me and I couldn’t be happier. My friendships were stronger than ever. And then it wasn’t. I kept feeling that something was amiss. I should have been happy but I wasn’t. The job wasn’t panning out the way I wanted it to and as the months went by I became even more miserable. Suddenly, everything else in my life started to take on a grey fog making me question every little happiness I had and slowly turning it into a miserable wilting flower. Getting out of bed became increasingly harder to do and every day was just the simple struggle to see beyond my unhappiness. And let me tell you, unhappiness becomes a very cushy place very quickly.
Ronni had been telling me about her coaching practice for months and I could see what it had done for her personally. She even offered me sessions but I just didn’t think that was what I needed. Looking back, I realise I just wasn’t ready. Admitting that I needed help getting out of my funk would mean actually getting out of my funk. The fog had honestly become my friend. Then one day, after doing enough damage to my tear ducts I decided it was time to change it. My relationship was at stake and if I didn’t do something about my job situation I was going to end up stuck there for another 5 years wondering where time had gone.
I’ll tell you this – coaching is hella hard. It is the hardest thing you will ever do because it means constantly examining your life, reflecting on it and seeing the way your habits have formed patterns that you are now desperate to break. I had to admit to myself all the things I always thought but never actually confronted.
I’d be lying if I said that for me it happened in a magical snap-your-fingers way. That I one day had an aha moment that changed the rest of my life. It was a slow process. Sometimes it was fast and other times, when I fought the organic happenings, it was painfully slow. But Ronni kept silent during those moments when I needed the push and it was within that silence that I was able to find my strength. As someone that was constantly seeking validation for my actions, this was a seriously powerful tactic on her part. I had to do away with the crutches that weren’t even helping me stay up anymore but instead were crippling me. So over the course of my coaching, I got rid of them.
I found the strength to leave a job I wasn’t happy at and without a new one lined up. Was this reckless? Possibly. But it was the thing I needed to do. It was however only once I did this that I realised the things that have power over you are only the things you allow. I was done. I was happy and at every turn I was grateful.
Now, about a month after my coaching completed I still find myself using the stuff Ronni taught me during coaching. We cleaned house – mentally! Even the stuff that used to weigh on me doesn’t anymore and when it tries to I don’t run away from it – I simply face it.
The biggest thing I took away from coaching is just keep questioning. When something doesn’t feel right just ask ‘why’ until something makes sense. Don’t do things because ‘that’s how they’ve always been done’. Be curious and this will eventually make you unbelievably present in your life. That is what coaching gave back to me – the presence in my own life. The ability to fight the current even when everyone thinks you’re crazy for doing it. The courage to just be yourself and never apologise for it.
I will say this, coaching isn’t for you if you aren’t ready to put in the work. It’s all you. If you aren’t ready to be honest with yourself and if you aren’t willing to let the work do its thing. If you are however, then go for it. It was the best thing I ever did with my life and will continue to be such a force throughout the rest of it.
To Ronni I say thank you. None of this would have been possible without you. I know I did the work as you would say but (and I don’t say this lightly) I owe you my life.
Are you stuck in a rut? Is there something you’ve been trying to accomplish for months or even years with no luck? You need to give Ronni a call. I had been trying for seven years to finish my second novel. Every time some other project came up, I would stick it in a drawer and forget about it. Even when I had free time and tried to write, the words wouldn’t come. I thought I lacked discipline or just liked to procrastinate.
My coaching sessions with Ronni showed me just how wrong I was. Turns out these were just excuses covering up fears that I had about my writing, success and failure. Ronni helped me drill down to my innermost psyche and identify the things that drove me to succeed and those that held me back. She showed me how to play the ‘what if’ game to dismantle these fears and set them aside, recognizing that they are just road blocks.
After just four sessions I was writing again and the momentum has not stopped. I’ve written 100 pages and I’m well on the way to completing the book. The best part is Ronni gave me tools and techniques that I can use to kick start any other aspect of my life now or in the future where I find myself similarly stuck. I discovered that the only person standing in the way of achieving all my dreams is me. Now I know how to motivate myself, identify and nip in the bud negative thoughts and beliefs that will from time to time creep up and try to drag me back to where I was. Never again. It’s a wonderful feeling of empowerment. To know that no matter what happens in your life, good or bad, you can have serenity.
Ronni changed my life. I recommend her unreservedly.
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Blogger’s note: Ciru has since finished her novel which is now awaiting publishing. She has also been featured in The Business Daily for sharing her novel online. www.businessdailyafrica.com/Why-I-gave-away-my-second-novel-free-online
I wish her all the best in her future endeavours.