One of the greatest challenges that we all have is Time. Our Time. Demands on our time. Trying to figure out how to make our time fit all the things we feel driven to do.
Like any other mortal I have always struggled with time. I had an even greater challenge. For most of my life, I had this habit of putting other people before myself. It had a lot to do with lack of self-worth and an inferiority complex that I had battled since childhood.
As my self-awakening journey continued, one of the things that greatly held me back was my resistance to allocate time to myself. I needed time to introspect, spend time alone with my thoughts and get to the true depths of my inner self that was yearning to be discovered.
However, my precious time was all tied up with things that I believed mattered. External things and people that gave me the validation I so desperately craved. Validation I believed I needed.
Not to mention, I had been conditioned to believe (like most of us) that taking time for yourself is selfish. That being focused on self, prioritizing your care is vain and frowned upon. That choosing others is always better (read pious) than choosing yourself.
So it’s hardly surprising that this turned out to be the most challenging thing I have ever had to overcome. It actually took my own breakdown and subsequent realization that I had deeply neglected my own care in favor of “fixing others”.
You see, when you keep giving, eventually there will be nothing left to give. That was me. I woke up one day running on empty. I fell apart. There was nothing left in me to give, even to myself. And there began the long painful process of putting myself together. Incidentally most of the people I had given myself to, were nowhere to be found. My calls went unanswered, and my messages remained blue ticked. It shattered me but it also turned out to be exactly what I needed.
My self-awakening journey flourished with the extra time I now poured into it. Time that I had previously denied myself, telling myself that I could not possibly be that selfish or self-focused.
One of the perks of being self-aware is simply being yourself. Creating your own definitions of previously held beliefs. Letting go of the need to explain your actions to any other living person. Knowing that it is OK to say No whenever you want to.
Most importantly, knowing that it is OK to want whatever you want. That’s my definition of selfish. Wanting whatever is good for you. Just you. Not your spouse. Not your child. Not your parent. Not your best friend. You.
Yes, I know this is not a popular opinion.
That’s the other thing about self-awareness. Letting go of the need to fit in or be popular. No longer requiring external validation because you can now validate yourself.
I will tell you about the benefits of becoming selfish that I have seen in my own life. Having prioritized my care led to my continued healing and discovery of self-driven talents that I always held. It led to me becoming a better, less judgmental person.
Becoming selfish forced me to point fingers at myself, and shine the torch on my own behavior. I began to own my choices, and their consequences. Own my reactions and my feelings. I stopped heaping blame on others and the world for anything that was wrong with my life. I began to examine my role in each and every occurrence in my life.
It also led me to question the role of different people in my life. I now give more priority to the people who matter to me, to the things that matter to me. Whatever does not add value to my life, is not allowed in my list of priorities.
Being selfish has literally saved my life.
This is a selfish definition. A definition based on self. I assure you that this is a definition of selfish that you will find in no single dictionary in any language.
Selfish: You are not responsible for any person in this world other than yourself. The only person that you can change is You.
If you would like to find out more about how a life coach can help you with this process, simply email me on firstname.lastname@example.org and I will be happy to walk this journey with you.
(Missed the previous post? Read it HERE.)