Today I laughed for the first time in a while. Like really laughed. Don’t get me wrong, I smile and chuckle and grin all the time. But I’m talking about those loud, deep-throated belly laughs, completely unapologetic and uninhibited hyena-like (think Lion King) guffaws. The kind that make everyone in the room stop what they are doing and just revel in the sound of it. The kind that is so infectious that you find people joining in even when they have no clue what the joke is. The ones that you can’t stop no matter how hard you are choking to breath. I think you have the picture. I’m the kind of person that people generally regard as an open book. Emotions play freely on my face, clearly displaying what mood I am in. I don’t even try very hard to hide them. I am also a pretty loud person with a matching loud personality. Apparently, when I am not in the office, my absence is keenly felt. So, for the last week or so, the laughs (or should I say chuckles) have been nondescript. Polite and ladylike. Almost mechanical and forced. It was a rough week after
This past month my pastor in church has been dealing with a topic called Seasons of Life. It’s basically about the different seasons in our life – loneliness, loss, prosperity, sadness, sickness, happiness etc and how to deal with each season. What struck me most is how distinct each season is in our lives – from the feelings evoked in us to how we deal with each to even the people who surround us during each of those seasons. When I look back at my life I can actually clearly see the diverse seasons I have been through so far – perhaps one day I shall write my memoirs and share my very colorful past. (That will be a best seller for sure!). Each season has challenged me, shaped me and basically formed the person that I am today. And while I can say that I am a product of my seasons, I am also not under the illusion that any of my personas in each of those seasons was permanent. Interestingly though, while I was going through each of the seasons, there was a strong tendency to become comfortable and attached to my circumstances. For instance, during
Ever have one of those days where anything that can possibly go wrong does? The kind where you ask “Can the day get any worse?” and apparently the universe takes that as a challenge! Well I’m having one of those. How do you normally deal with yours? My tested and tried solution is to lock myself in my house, wear sweats and bond with my duvet on the couch. With only Friends and a glass of wine for company. Works everytime! Today’s gloom season however caught me hard at work in the office with the day far from over and my sure escape plan atleast 6hours away. Which of course got me thinking – why do bad things happen to good people? Like most of us, I have a pretty high opinion of myself and I believe I am a good person. So I’m seated here going like, why me? Why are all these things happening to me? Am I attracting them to me? If you’re like me and have watched The Secret tones of times, you know how the Law of Attraction works. Supposedly you can attract good and bad things alike with just your mind.
Early this morning we received the most devastating news at work. Our colleague had tragically passed away early in the morning while undergoing treatment in the hospital. Worse still, she was 6 months pregnant. Honestly speaking, I am still in shock even as I write this. I look around at everyone in a daze, the news not really sinking in yet because I keep waiting to wake up and find it was all a vivid cruel dream. All around me people keep asking, Why her? She was at the prime of her life, all her dreams ahead of her, full of life and laughter, so why her? Someone even wondered out loud, does God ever make mistakes and allow people to go yet they weren’t done with their time on earth? For me, I am filled with an eerie, bubble-like, calm-before-the-storm ominous stillness. It feels like there is actually a physical obstacle between me and the acceptance that she is really gone. There is also the grim realization that the dam will burst sooner or later and then I will really be ripped apart. The one thing that struck me today though was incidentally related to a rant I had
How did I get here? That’s the most common question I have been asked in the last two weeks. I have had varied responses…from its my life’s purpose to my passion for helping people to just wanting to do something different. Now that I have really had the chance to think about it though, I suppose all those answers (and more) are valid. Bottom line, I have been handed the opportunity to Make a Difference. Many get the chance, but few actually take it. And as terrifying as it may be (yes, I do get terrified, after all I am human) I have taken the plunge and opened up my space to everyone. It is a step of faith after all.