Last week I was having a chat with my sister who recently got pregnant with her first baby. She was narrating an experience she had had with some ladies at a function. You know the typical ones where all the men segregate together and the ladies are left to themselves? So as they chatted, the topic (inevitably) turned to babies, motherhood and pregnancy. The interesting thing, or should I say shocking, was that none of them had anything positive to say about the entire experience. Now my sister found this very alarming, to say the least, considering that they all had more than one child. At some point, she couldn’t take the negativity any longer and gave them a piece of her mind. Of course they castigated her (as expected) and told her that her lack of experience was distorting her opinion and that she should wait till she got her baby to know just how “bad it was”. At this point, she decided that the men were better company and moved away from what she termed as “negative energy”.
Which brings us to our chat; she wanted to know if it was really as bad as it was being made out to be and why someone like me still remained positive about pregnancy despite having gone through what can only be described as a horror story in my pregnancies. (Yes there was more than one; story for another day). My response was my standard one; that some people will always choose to see the negative side of anything; it takes a lot of energy to always try and see the positive side. Which a lot of people do not have the time, nor energy for. It’s actually a lot easier to be negative.
To be honest, though, I have a much more profound perspective when it comes to parenting. I am a single mum, and I can honestly say that without my son, my life wouldn’t have that much meaning. Despite everything I went through to have him, I wouldn’t change a single thing. Because there is no greater blessing in my life than my son. I would give my life for him. I look at him every day and thank God for giving me the honor of raising him.
You see, children belong to God. A mother is accorded a special, divine responsibility to care for one of God’s children. How do I know this? Because in all my wildest dreams and fantasies, I could not have fathomed how this tiny being, so adorable, so innocent, so perfect, so loyal, so pure (I could go on and on)….could possibly have been my own creation. I’m obviously just a humble guardian; to take care of him till he can stand on his own two feet. Another reason I know this? He came laden with God given blessings! A lot of struggling mothers can relate to this; you will always somehow manage to feed, clothe your child no matter what your circumstances. It’s said that God will never give you what you cannot handle, and this is especially true for children.
So, when I hear mothers being all negative about pregnancy, children and parenting in general, it breaks my heart. Yes it’s not easy at all. It is however, the greatest blessing that will ever be bestowed on you in your entire life. Not your career, not your fancy house, not your spouse, not your annual holiday; Your Child is the greatest blessing. Straight from God.
You may have had a difficult pregnancy. Why focus on it? Focus on the amazing tiny being that resulted. Focus on the amazing milestones – opening his eyes, learning to crawl and walk, his first words, the first time he said “I love you mummy”, his first day at school, his first love, and how you will always be his mum no matter what. That’s what I choose to focus on. Because my son changed my life. For the better.
Always speak positive of your child no matter where you are or who you are with. Your children need unconditional love. They need affirmation and encouragement. They need their parents’ counsel. Always appreciate your child; do not take them for granted. Discipline them in love when they do wrong and celebrate them when they do good.
And the next time someone starting out on the journey asks for your counsel, choose to give the full side of the story. That yes, it has its ups and downs. That yes, child birth is painful. That yes, your child will challenge you on a daily basis. That ultimately, all things considered, it will be the greatest and best experience in the world, filled with daily blessings. That your child will be the best thing that will ever happen to you.
Happy Mother’s Day!